Lululemon-logo

Photo: Jason Michael on Flickr used under a Creative Commons license

Your thighs are too fat for Lululemon pants, says Lululemon.

In response to complaints about declining quality over the past few months, Chip Wilson, the co-founder of the cultish Canadian yoga brand, took to Bloomburg TV to say, hey, FYI: if your yoga pants — you know, the ones you spent ALL THE MONEY on because they are supposed to last forever/make your ass look smokin’ — are now shitty, see-through, pill-covered garbage pants, it’s because of a design flaw, a fabric change YOUR FAT THIGHS!

That’s right! The problem is your bodies, ladies.

Wilson said a bunch of (grammatically questionable) stuff, but this was the kicker: “They don’t work for some women’s bodies… it’s really about the rubbing through the thighs, how much pressure is there over a period of time, how much they use it.”

Ah yes, the so-called “chub rub,” something I’m going to say, oh, 95% of women deal with. The much-coveted thigh gap that isn’t really all that attainable for most gals is suddenly a requirement to make your Lululemon pants last longer.

I’m disappointed in the company because its product did work for my body. At least, it used to. I own a Lululemon gym bag, two pairs of pants, a sports bra, a sweatband and four tanks. Most items were purchased over three years ago and all are still good to go despite being put through a couple hundred sweaty step classes and a couple hundred wash cycles. For me, the proof was in Lululemon’s vaguely weird-smelling spandex. I was a convert — and my thighs rub together.

And then the quality slipped. I recently tried on a pair of crops in the same style to replace my old ones — because, real talk, there’s probably a small ecosystem living on those bad boys — and they didn’t pass the Downward Dog Test (or, in my case, the burpee test). My beloved crops were now sheer and, record-scratch, LOW RISE. A style that has never, ever worked for this body. (Paunch.)

I’m disappointed in the lack of quality, but I’m even more disappointed that instead of taking ownership of its shoddy manufacturing, Lululemon chose to shame its customers. Is it too much to ask that a company — especially one that prides itself on being a healthy lifestyle brand/makes clothes ostensibly meant to be moved in — actually design clothing with women’s bodies in mind instead of excluding most women’s bodies?

The answer, of course, is yes, it IS too much to ask. Because Lululemon is an empire built on exclusivity. It sells cost-prohibitive pants to women who wear sizes smaller than a (small) size 12.

Well, fuck that.

I’m turning in my membership card. I’m not OK with a fitness brand that shames women’s bodies and disregards larger bodies. ALL women deserve flattering, confidence-boosting workout gear they feel and look great in, no matter what size they are. Because, guess what Lululemon: not everyone over a size 12 wants to work out in a shapeless Fruit of the Loom T-shirt promoting a rec softball league.

• •

Abercrombie & Fitch, another company that, up until this week, had a staunch No Fat Chix policy, announced the launch of a plus-size line in an amazing act of desperation.

Sorry, but I’m not breaking out the confetti cannons for a company that JUST THIS WEEK decided to retail beyond a size 10.

Because, honestly, it’s way too fucking late for this shit. Nobody, not even Popular Girls, shop at A&F anymore. It’s a wasteland of puka shell necklaces, boot-cut jeans and logo tees that 2002 forgot. Ugg.