A couple of weeks ago, a College Humor video, How To Tell If You’re A Basic Bitch, blew up on the Internetz. If you haven’t seen it, here. I’ll wait.

This video has spawned a bunch of trend pieces — which is what inevitably happens when white people discover a slang word they think is new. Basic Bitch, it seems, is 2014’s twerk.

So what is a basic bitch circa 2014? Well, since all I read on the Internet now are basic bitch trend pieces, I can tell you that a basic bitch is a woman who has mainstream taste.

THAT’S IT! I KNOW!

From what I can glean from my extensive research (you’re welcome), you have terrible taste — and therefore are boring/dumb/vapid  — if you enjoy any of the following: pumpkin spice lattes, inspirational quotes (especially of the fake Marilyn Monroe variety), infinity scarves, leggings, Top 40 hits, vodka sodas, Sex and the City, The Bachelor, rom-coms, girls’ nights, scented candles, horoscopes, Pinterest, referring to margaritas as margs, taking selfies, using hashtags (#blessed), yoga/Zumba/spin classes, Tweeting at celebrities, Instagram, Coachella, Lululemon pants, Diet Coke, referring to Diet Coke as D.C., brunch, ballet flats, Coach bags, Tiffany heart-toggle necklaces, white wine, Nasty Gal, using Emojis, caring about celebrities, blaming shit on Mercury being in retrograde, saying “I can’t even” and using the word literally when you probably mean figuratively. (My book, Stuff Basic Bitches Like, comes out in the fall.)

Worried you might be #basic? Buzzfeed has a quiz for that.

All these listicles — ARE YOU A BASIC BITCH? — and snarky snark articles deriding women for liking the same shit lots of other people like (a number of them disturbingly written up like field guides, as though women are animals in the wild) smack of schoolyard insecurity at best (BUT HOW WILL I KNOW I’M BETTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE?) and woman-as-punchline misogyny at worst (UGH, WOMEN, AM I RIGHT?)

And I have a problem with the word bitch being used in this context; I guess Basic Everywoman doesn’t have the same pejorative ring.

Here’s the thing: If I make value judgements about someone based on their love of #PSL, it doesn’t make them basic, it makes me an asshole.

This whole idea of “I consume, therefore I am” applies to EVERYBODY. Everyone is a special snowflake. Everyone is basic.

Liking things that are ‘counter culture’ or ‘weird’ doesn’t make you different/smarter/better. That smug superiority you feel? Meaningless. Same shit, different store at the mall. (Also, who cares about this past the age of 15?)

I like #basic things (I mean, let’s be real, everyone likes SOMETHING on that totally non-comprehensive list) and non-basic things (whatever the fuck that means) BECAUSE I AM A PERSON AND PEOPLE ARE COMPLICATED.

Let’s stop putting people — and specifically women — into boxes. #overit

UPDATE: Please read the great comment below regarding the history of this word. In an attempt to be pithy, I mentioned that this phrase was co-opted by white people in a one-liner, but I should have dug deeper and talked about the origins of the word. And, to clarify, I don’t think that basic bitch is inherently misogynistic in its original context, but I do think it’s being employed in icky ways by white people.