Illustration by Nicholas Luchak.
She Said, He Said, She Said is a recurring feature in which all three founding SCREAMING IN ALL CAPS contributors discuss a specific topic using G Chat. Sometimes we agree with each other. Sometimes we don’t. Occasionally we’re even funny. Often alcohol is involved.
Please note some of these chats have been edited for length, clarity and typos, or because we went off on strange, drunken tangents.
Marlo: HI BLOG TEAM.
Nick: Oh, hello.
Jen: HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!
Marlo: And right back atcha!
Jen: We did it, you guys. We made it to one year.
Marlo: A whole year. Hooray for not imploding!
Jen: Indeed! We all have day jobs/school/stuff. So I appreciate you both making the time.
SHALL WE REMINISCE?
Marlo: Remember when we all worked together and this blog only existed in the periodic
venting sessions we’d have over the cubicle wall?
Nick: A sort of audible blog. Almost like normal conversation.
Jen: Haha, totally. I can confidently say I feel like I’ve taken a women’s studies class. I
remember repeatedly telling Marlo, “Write down what you just said cuz that’s your column.”
Marlo: Except we used to get paid for the feminist ranting. *sighs*
Jen: I … I sometimes get paid for feminist ranting.
Jen: When we started the blog did you think we’d make it one year? (Be honest.)
Nick: I think so. I didn’t see why not. We are doing it out of our own interest. It would have only
died due to our waning interest.
Marlo: Remember when I thought we/I should be posting once a day? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Jen: LOLOLOLOL forever.
Nick: Or when I said I’d make, like, four cartoons per month?
Marlo: Here’s to laziness!
Jen: Good thing no contracts were signed! To reframe, I think we realized that quality is better
Nick: Not enough ad sales.
Jen: Actual LOL. Alt street weekly in-joke!
Marlo: Story of my fucking life. #laidoffwriter. Seriously though, I’m proud of us.
Jen: I just started typing “Seriously though!” Me too.
Marlo: SOON OUR PERIODS WILL SYNC.
Nick: Me too, though I do feel guilty for not having as much output.
Jen: Don’t sweat it. Marlo and I feel guilty sometimes too.
Marlo: Guilt is my fuel. That and righteous indignation.
Nick: My creative fuel is generally jealousy.
Jen: Oh yeah. It’s easy to feel like you should be as prolific as other blogs.
Nick: In my case there aren’t many feminist blog cartoonists out there.
Jen: YOU CAN FILL A NICHE!
Marlo: Nick, it’s a niche market!
Marlo: OMFG GET OUT OF MY BRAIN.
Nick: What market?
Jen: We freak me out. FEMINIST CARTOONS.
Marlo: The un-paid, get-called-a-fat-cunt while fighting the patriarchy market!
Nick: I’ve somehow avoided that.
Marlo: I wonder why … Okay. I think surviving one year entitles us to some navel-gazing.
Jen: Yes! Let’s talk accomplishments. We had a hell of a first day.
Marlo: We did. Shout out to all the people who checked us out! *waves coquettishly*
Jen: We had visitors from four provinces and a couple states! Since then, we’ve published 81 posts.
Marlo: Cross-boundary blogging! Nice.
Nick: Over 200 Facebook likes. (Ed. note: LIKE US ON FACEBOOK!)
Marlo: IMAGINE IF WE WERE PAID FOR THEM. Sorry. I’ll let that go. Hooray!
Nick: We could make a Kickstarter.
Marlo: Yeah but then imagine the guilt when we slack off.
Jen: The most popular posts are ones that were written this month!
Marlo: Our most popular post was the breastfeeding image one.
Jen: Yes, the breastfeeding story, which we broke B-T-Dubbs, has over 4,000 views. Your most
recent opus, Marlo, on male entitlement, is up to nearly 2,000. To put those numbers in
perspective, that’s how many views we’d get in a good month when we started.
Nick: Not bad.
Marlo: We’re growing!
Nick: That’s encouraging.
Marlo: Although I have to say, I don’t mind not being super-huge. Keeps the assholes away.
Jen: Indeed. Speaking to growth, I’ve noticed that on any given day, at least 12 archival posts will
have new views, as well. In the past 60 days, we’ve had nearly 10,000 visits! Which is a lot more
than the seven I think we get.
Marlo: Holy shit.
Marlo: What was your favourite post that you’ve written this year, Jen?
Marlo: The ode to your gram was an awesome post. I had many people tell me they cried.
Jen: Me too! SUCCESS IS MAKING PEOPLE CRY.
Marlo: My favourite post of yours was the one about the confidence gap. Your feminism was ON
Jen: I HAD A REALLY GOOD TEACHER BACK WHEN I WAS 25 AND DUMB. And thanks.
Marlo: Haha. We’re all sort of dumb when we’re 25. Right Luchak? (heehee)
Nick: Watch it sister(s).
Marlo: You keep us young.
Jen: My favourites of yours include your most recent (one of the best analysis I’ve read this week and I’ve read A LOT).
Marlo: Thanks Jen.
Jen: RIGHT. That self-image one was great. On both fronts.
Nick: Oh yeah, I’m proud of that self-image one. Turned out nice. I enjoy almost every single
post I read because they keep me informed. I am a man. There is a cat on me.
Marlo: That’s just one of the reasons we love you. That cat, I mean. I feel we haven’t featured
enough cats on the blog.
Nick: Yeah I’ve shit the bed in the cute animals dept.
Jen: We all have. TOO ANGRY FOR CUTE STUFF.
Marlo: So speaking of Jen’s ode to pubic hair … and, really, just some of the topics we cover,
Jen: I know where this is going …
Marlo: Have you noticed some of the search terms that have brought folks to our site?
Jen: BLOODY LABIA.
Marlo: *shudders, girds self*
Jen: Like, a lot. It’s a popular search term.
Marlo: BLOODY VAGINA IMAGE.
Nick: Those words are being searched together? By humans?
Marlo: Really. Every single iteration of those words. BLOODY PUSSY PICTURES.
Nick: Diff’rent strokes for diff’rent folks.
Marlo: THE JOKE IS ON THEM THOUGH, ISN’T IT? I kind of like how they go looking for
porn and find feminist analysis.
Nick: Who am I to judge?
Marlo: Oh I’m judging.
Marlo: Here’s another. Ahem: SNOW WHITE SEXING ARIEL AND BELLE BRUTALLY.
Nick: Like, that whole thing? Those words beside each other?
Jen: (Am I bad person for laughing? HOW IS THAT A SENTENCE?)
Marlo: YOU GUYS IT’S NOT THE ONLY SEARCH FOR DISNEY-RELATED SEX.
Marlo: Screaming rape fuck. That was another search.
Jen: Ewwwwwww forever.
Marlo: JUDGING OVER HERE. Here’s a palate cleanser — someone also found us by searching:
girls need to stop calling each other sluts. INDEED, RANDOM INTERNET USER. INDEED.
Jen: Aw, that’s nice! Sorry, just spotted another — “lisa sippson fucked image.” WHAT.
Marlo: Seriously. Is cartoon porn a thing? Rhetorical question. I know it is. *sigh*
Nick: P.S. I loved the Lisa Simpson post.
Jen: Thanks Nick!
Marlo: Wasn’t Marge on the cover of Playboy? *barfs*
Marlo: It’s a rabbit hole, those search terms. So, what else? I feel we should thank everyone who’s bothered to comment.
Jen: We’ve received 114 comments.
Nick: That ain’t nothin’.
Marlo: It’s not a lot but, again, quality over quantity.
Nick: I’d like to state that it’s been an absolute pleasure knowing you guys for so long. I’m glad
we’ve stayed friends.
Jen: Aw, me too! Truly.
Marlo: You are both totally invited to my Christmas party this year.
Nick: It’s been immensely educational for me, as well. You guys did indeed usher me into the
concept and complexities of feminism.
Jen: That’s great! Marlo did that for me.
Marlo: And I’m glad, Nick. More men need to take off their blinders and listen and learn. (Next
step: breaking you of your male-as-default slang. You guys.)
Jen: Here, here. Which is such a point that’s been missed on this, fuckweek. (Ed. note: this conversation happened the same week as the Isla Vista killings.)
Marlo: OH I KNOW.
Nick: Yeah. Pretty brutal. It’s been surprising to me how many long-winded posts have popped
up on my Facebook feed by dudes.
Marlo: But see, now you’re one of the good ones who can be, like, WTF is that guy’s prob?
Nick: Well, it’s true. I don’t get why so many guys have to get so caught up in the ego of it.
Clearly women aren’t pointing fingers at you by trying to shed some light on a major global
Jen: Also, if you’re personally offended by #NotAllMen, maybe, IDK, explore that?
Marlo: And also, clearly, men benefit from being men in a patriarchy. Acknowledging one’s
privilege is okay.
Nick: Though to be honest I didn’t understand what the #NotAllMen, #YesAllWomen thing was
about until I asked my wonderful girlfriend Danielle Sheedy to explain it to me. Not that I
couldn’t wrap my head around the issue. I just didn’t know what was going on and
hadn’t read anything explaining it.
Marlo: Shout out to Danielle!
Marlo: Shall we wrap up? Any closing discussion points?
Jen: Yes. Shall we wrap up with some goals? Hopes?
Marlo: Yes. Goals. Hopes, aw.
Jen: I barfed everywhere when I typed that.
Marlo: More cats.
Nick: I aim to contribute more in the form of cat picture and cartoons.
Marlo: Good. Charlie deserves to be a famous Internet cat.
Jen: I am going to continue to blog once a week — and be okay with that because that’s what I can do.
Marlo: My goal is to not freak out all the time. And maybe to try and write a post that’s less than 500 words. *cringes*
Jen: I resolve to check email more. (Which, fuck, I haven’t). (Ed. note: STILL haven’t.)
Marlo: Oh yeah, me too. SORRY, EVERYONE WHO TRIES EMAILING US. (Ed. note: Marlo totally checked the email once since this convo.)
Jen: YOU MIGHT AS WELL FAX US.
Marlo: In conclusion, I would like to share something Jen once shared with me, which I someday
would like embroidered on a pillow: Everything is fine. The blog is fine. You are fine. I am fine.
Everything is fine.
Jen: BLOG/LIFE MOTTO, YO. Also: BIG THANKS to Liz, who keeps things pretty.
Marlo: THANK YOU LIZ!
Nick: THNX LIZ.
Jen: And thanks to readers like you. Your support means everything.
Marlo: You’re getting sappy again. Quick, drop an F-bomb.